I would wish it upon my worst enemy

There’s an old joke that goes something like this:

A man is cleaning out his attic, and finds an old trunk from an ancestor. Inside is an old brass lamp; after rubbing the lamp, a genie appears.

“For freeing me, mortal, I will grant you any three wishes. But know this: Any wish I bestow upon you, I will also give twice as much to your worst enemy.”

The man is overjoyed. “I want a billion dollars!”

The genie nods and claps his hands. “Very well. You are now a billion dollars richer. But your worst enemy now has two billion dollars in his bank account.”

The man says, “I want to date a Playboy playmate!”

The genie agrees. Miss October appears in the man’s arms. The genie intones, “Bear in mind, your worst enemy is now dating twins, both Playboy playmates in their own right. Now, for your third and final wish?”

The man says, “I want you to be beat me half to death.”

Har har. Ok, there are many possible punchlines. Presuming you have a “worst enemy” and have no moral qualms against inflicting death, dismemberment, or the ravages of plague upon that enemy, what would you wish for as the third wish in this scenario?

5 Responses to “I would wish it upon my worst enemy”

  1. Kevin Fox Says:

    “I want you to take back 3/4ths of what you’ve given me.” (Oh yeah, and ask for more stuff in the beginning. 4 billion dollars, 4 playmates, etc.)

  2. Akos Says:

    Joke answer: Take my kidney. Please.

  3. Stephen Says:

    Keep them coming!

    One site suggests, “I want you to remove one of my testicles.”

  4. Kevin Fox Says:

    “Give the person for whom I am their worst enemy a billion dollars!”

    If you are your worst enemy’s worst enemy then you’ll get double whatever they get. If your worst enemy’s worst enemy is someone other than you then you have given that someone else a billion dollars and yourself two billion dollars.

    Or you could just be mean and say ‘give me half the viral load necessary to develop a case of [insert disease of choice here]’.

    How about, “Make me 50% younger.”

  5. Akos Says:

    Along those lines Stephen (and other than the phrasing of the original joke), there is no reason to assume that your worst enemy is the same sex as you, opening up an entirely new realm of unfortunate possibilities.

    Or, you could always try breaking his/her mind directly by wishing for a (single) strong personality.

    Or, I wish that 50% of the wealth received from these wishes is deposited directly into bank account # 1111 of x bank (or buried in x secret location).

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