Seventeen imminent replacements for Twitter

You may have read about the recent Twitpocalypse, which has killed off Twitter entirely. Sure, for some users, things may seem fine at, but really that’s just fumes. The whole thing has imploded and should be considered an ex-service.

[_itter logo]

Micro-blogging is here to stay, however, so I present to you a smattering of Twitter-replacement sites, each limiting you to 140 characters, that will shortly overtake Twitter in popularity.

  1. Bitter: Angsty updates from divorcees and teenagers.
  2. Litter: Just trash talk, from litterbugs and teenagers.
  3. Fitter: Automatically sends updates every few minutes when you’re working out at Gold’s Gym, from gym rats and teenagers.
  4. Knitter: It’s your grandma’s micro-blogging service. And her related teenagers.
  5. Sitter: Yup, they’re in your house, eating your pizza, watching your TV, talking to their significant others, and sending “seats.” Statistically, most babysitters are in fact teenagers.
  6. Flitter: Changes topics automatically mid-tweet, for those suffering from ADD as well as teenagers.
  7. Quitter: Trying to stop smoking or sniffing glue? This is the micro-blogging service for you; updates from 12-steppers and teenagers.
  8. Spitter: Great expectorations, from watermelon-seed-lovers and teenagers.
  9. Fritter: Some fried apple donut content, but this is mostly a service where the freeps hold a contest to see who can come up with the biggest time-wasting activities. Each minute brings hundreds of hour-squandering suggestions from the idle rich and teenagers.
  10. Glitter: It’s not gold, but it’s got a lot of Mariah Carey discussion, from her fans and other teenagers.
  11. Slitter: An exclusive status-updating site for Jason Vorhees and those he stalks: teenagers.
  12. Ritter: When you roll a seven in Settlers of Catan or eat imported chocolate bars, tweet about it here; from grognards and teenagers.
  13. Titter: Every update brings the LOL, teehee, from nitrous-oxide abusers and teenagers.
  14. Jitter: Red Bull-branded site emphasizing extreme caffeine consumption status updates from Starbucks baristas and teenagers.
  15. Hitter: Very heavy updates, from boxers, Tae Kwon Do masters, and teenagers.
  16. Snitter: This one’s not very different from Twitter, actually.

Of course, there’s another site, and everyone uses it every single day, but modesty demands that the only thing I say about it is that each update from this site consists of just the letters TMI. It’s kind of a crappy service.

2 Responses to “Seventeen imminent replacements for Twitter”

  1. DaveZatz Says:

    I try to stay ‘on topic’ but this annoying body builder woman in SBUX this AM is testing my patience. She’s so loud and there’s something obscene about her musculature. (There’s a gym around the corner.) Doesn’t that deserve a tweet?

  2. Stephen Says:

    Dave, that would be a perfect “beet” from “bitter” — unless you also spit on her, in which case you should use spitter.

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