Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

But why?

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

[Image of a dark room with a door filled with tentacles, and a blood stain on the ground. Text states: 'Everything happens for a reason. ...but sometimes the reason is that the universe is cruel, capricious, and filled with tentacle-adorned elder deities.'

Star Wars versus Game of Thrones: Hosting

Friday, July 26th, 2013

[Two screen captures. One from Empire Strikes back showing Chewbacca, Leia, and Han being betrayed by Lando. Caption reads: 'My host betrayed me. You'd never believe it.' The other from season 3 of Game of Thrones shows Cat at the Red Wedding. Caption reads: 'I might.'

(See Mashable’s summary of the Star Wars versus Game of Thrones battle.)

Somebody that I used to parody

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

First, watch the original (if you’re not sick of it yet):

Then watch this amazing cover:

And then watch the parody of the amazing cover:

White people can’t eat spicy food?

Saturday, April 7th, 2012

20120407-120655.jpg

At a Korean restaurant in Santa Clara with Matt and Marli, Matt pointed this out on the menu. We ordered one normal and two spicy dishes, and they were delicious, but all three were not spicy. Perhaps they didn’t believe us? It reminds me of this SNL skit with Christian Slater.

‘Twas the Night Before iSlate

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

'Twas the night before iSlate, when all through the land
Every techie was jonesing a bit out of hand;
The stock market was hung on the announcement to be,
In hopes that Steve Jobs would soon let them all see.
The faithful were tapping upon their iPods
While mock-ups of AMOLEDs appeared on their blogs;
And Terry McGraw (he's the McGraw-Hill head)
Let slip a few things that he should not have said.
Then suddenly on twitter there arose such a chatter,
I pulled out my MacBook to check out the blather.
And I sifted through web sites all loaded with flash
And read many nutters using #ipad as hash.
The loons who loved gadgets were gabbing again
Giving the lustre of newness to concepts mundane,
When what to my iGoggling eyes should appear
But a plausible leak from a tunneling peer.
With its burnished titanium shiny and new
I knew in a moment this jpeg was true.
More features than Kindle or Android they came
And we googled and journaled and guessed at its name;
"It's iBook, no-- Canvas, no-- Tablet or eSlate!
Or iPad! Or iGuide! Or maybe it's iWait."
To the top of the trends! To my facebook wall!
Now post away! Post away! Post away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So onto my wish-list this gadget did flew
With a cart full of accessories and free shipping too.
And then it was Wednesday morning at last
I'd canceled my meetings and closed all my tasks.
As I fired up Safari and loaded the sites,
I logged out of my IMs and ate my last bites.
And onto the stage strided Steve Jobs
He was dressed in a turtleneck like the flash mobs.
The Apple Store and iTunes were down to deliver
And Steve looked like he could use a new liver.
His iPad -- how it glistened, its curves were so sexy!
Its apps were all written in code that was hexy!
Its cute little screen was so packed up with pixels,
And its underlying OS allowed many C-shells;
The form factor was sleek and just right for reading,
And with its touch-based UI no keyboard was needing.
It used up broadband and a little more 3G,
And no buttons at all, just multi-touch easy.
It was silver and sleek, a right sexy device
And I had lust when I saw it in spite of the price;
A wink of Steve's eye and twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke a few words, then went straight to his demo,
And filled all the screens with a 3-D memo,
And showing us the features we all had expected,
Including which apps were not yet rejected,
We sprang to attention as his team came to the stages,
And an exec from B-N showed us how to turn pages.
And I heard Steve exclaim before he said one more thing,
"Many iPads on sale, for just $899."

EGBDFF

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Every Good Boy Deserves Flavor Flav

Make-A-PAC — now you too can name your political organization the easy way

Thursday, August 13th, 2009

Ever watch those political attack ads on TV, ending with the talking-quickly-voiceover-guy saying that the ad was paid for by the “Citizens for Responsible Democracy” or “Democratic Education Reform Coalition” or some other vague-sounding name?

Furthermore, did you ever wish that you too could one day form a front organization or political action committee of your own, but never got around to coming up with a good name for it?

Well now there’s Make-A-Pac, wherein I use my B.A. in Linguistics combined with my remedial programming and web development skills to come up with another generator for fake political organizations.

Feedback solicited (what works, what doesn’t, what to add, what to take out).

Sample fake political organization from Make-A-PAC: "The Rainbow League to Reform Swift Boat Wind Power"

Sample fake political organization from Make-A-PAC: "The Rainbow League to Reform Swift Boat Wind Power"

Enjoy, or something!

A phone conversation between Björk and Diddy

Monday, July 27th, 2009

Stolen shamelessly from some random forum:

diddybj

McTerminated

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

McTerminated

…and Zombies

Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009

Partha and John showed me this upcoming book:

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

The Classic Regency Romance—Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie action. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she’s soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Complete with 20 illustrations in the style of C. E. Brock (the original illustrator of Pride and Prejudice).

Which leads me to wonder what other classics from literature should remixed with zombies?

  • Moby Zombie
  • Tom Sawyer, Zombie-Slayer
  • A Tale of Two Zombies
  • The Zombie-Catcher in the Rye
  • Gone with the Zombies
  • The Zombies Karamazov

Two Great Tastes (Generator)

Saturday, January 31st, 2009

Stuck for what to make for dinner? Looking to invent the next taste sensation? Try my new “two great tastes” generator!

Knock Knock x2

Saturday, January 17th, 2009

I wrote this for the upcoming Chinese New Year play at Jennie’s. I thought it was original, but a Google search turned up other minds having generated these words before me. Ah well.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Opportunity!
Can’t be opportunity. You said “knock knock,” and everyone knows opportunity only knocks once.

Knock Knock

Tuesday, December 9th, 2008

Sammy, age 3, wrote this.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Owls.
Owls who?
No, daddy! Owls hoot, not who.

New contender for best RickRoll ever: Live wedding RickRoll for Kevin and Rachel

Saturday, September 13th, 2008

(If you don’t know what a RickRoll is, read this first.)

Kimi and I were at Kevin and Rachel’s wedding today, in a ranch above Carmel. Right before dinner, during the toasts, they selected someone from each table to read a particular quote or song lyric about love or marriage. There were Beatles lyrics, a quote from Star Wars, the Rubber Ducky song, and much more. (I was selected to read this line from Never Been Kissed.) Very cute, engaging, well thought out, and personable, just like the rest of Kevin and Rachel’s wedding.

Well, when they got to Sparky’s table, where he had been selected to read a quote from Brian Andres (“We sat side by side in the morning light and looked out at the future together”), instead he launched into, “We’re no strangers to love / You know the rules and so do I”

Kevin and Rachel looked shocked at first but then really laughed.

Sure, maybe only 10 or 20 of the guests knew what Sparky was doing, but it was epic. Well played, sir. Is this the first live wedding RickRoll?

Rickroll Alternatives

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008

By now, everyone should know what a Rickroll is. (Right?)

I present for your consideration five alternatives to Rick Rolling someone:

  1. Have them click here and tell them they’ve been Lickroll’d.
  2. Have them click here and tell them they’ve been Rick Moll’d.
  3. Have them click here and tell them they’ve been Rickshaw’d.
  4. Have them click here and tell them they’ve been Ricky & Mole’d.
  5. Or there’s this, where you can see a definite Nick Roll.

I would wish it upon my worst enemy

Wednesday, March 26th, 2008

There’s an old joke that goes something like this:

A man is cleaning out his attic, and finds an old trunk from an ancestor. Inside is an old brass lamp; after rubbing the lamp, a genie appears.

“For freeing me, mortal, I will grant you any three wishes. But know this: Any wish I bestow upon you, I will also give twice as much to your worst enemy.”

The man is overjoyed. “I want a billion dollars!”

The genie nods and claps his hands. “Very well. You are now a billion dollars richer. But your worst enemy now has two billion dollars in his bank account.”

The man says, “I want to date a Playboy playmate!”

The genie agrees. Miss October appears in the man’s arms. The genie intones, “Bear in mind, your worst enemy is now dating twins, both Playboy playmates in their own right. Now, for your third and final wish?”

The man says, “I want you to be beat me half to death.”

Har har. Ok, there are many possible punchlines. Presuming you have a “worst enemy” and have no moral qualms against inflicting death, dismemberment, or the ravages of plague upon that enemy, what would you wish for as the third wish in this scenario?

Rickroll, live

Tuesday, March 18th, 2008

Rocketboom’s Kenyatta Cheese pulled off a live rickroll of Next New Networks founder Tim Shey: Check it out here at Andrew Baron’s blog (especially the video at the bottom).

Rules for Reality TV

Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
  1. The word “reality” is taken to mean “the most unrealistic and atypical situation you can possibly think of.”
  2. Any “Celebrity _____” show must have a Baldwin brother.
  3. Editing allows you to turn a saint into a sinner, or a sinner into a saint — but even more, you can turn a vaguely annoying person into a tyrant.
  4. Don’t eliminate those annoying people early; you need them for ratings.
  5. You can make an unstructured reality TV show, with video diaries — you know, the things that 20 years ago we used to call “documentaries.”
  6. You can make a structured reality TV show, with contests and eliminations — you know, the things that 20 years ago we used to call “game shows.”
  7. The best way to program against a competitor’s Mark Burnett reality TV show is with your own Mark Burnett reality TV show.
  8. During the “letters from home” segment, crank up the maudlin piano or a Green Day ballad.
  9. The winner’s reveal show should take 2 or 3 hours, never shorter, no matter how utterly bored the viewers are of these people.
  10. When in doubt, pitch a random reality show title.

Yes, I created a reality show title generator. Comment with the ones you like or that don’t work at all. Hours of fun for the whole family.

Yo

Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Time travellers returning from the future, represent!

It’s sweeping the internets

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007

[Animated GIF of the Dramatic Chipmunk -- found on Boing Boing

The so-called Dramatic Chipmunk is actually (gasp) a prairie dog. Find him in his original Japanese-TV glory here.

TiVo Inc. categorically denies rumors that Dramatic Chipmunk will star in an upcoming TiVoCast reality show.